Ahren comes over and asks me if him and Julia can play outside. Immediately I want to say no, but then I take a step back and ask myself why do I want to say no? It’s because our neighbour is in the process of replacing our shared fence and for that reason our backyard is currently not fenced in. I’m wanting to say no because I want Julia and Ahren to be safe and I’m not sure that Ahren will stay in the backyard and not wander off. The solution… a yes, if. Yes, they can play outside if they stay in the backyard where I can see them while I wash dishes.
Yes, if parenting is the idea that as much as possible we try to fulfill the requests of our children (meeting their needs) but at the same time putting in stipulations so that our needs as parents are also meet.
After stories have been read, teeth been brushed and being tucked in, Julia tells me that she can’t sleep. She wants to read more stories. Again… I want to say no.
Her needs… Not sleepy, wants more stories
My needs… I need some no kid time at the end of my day
Solution: yes, if… Yes she can read stories, if she reads them to herself and she turns her light off and goes to sleep when she gets tired.
Result: both of us are happy and both us have our need meet.
So the next time that your child asks you something and you immediately want to say no to the request, take a step back and think about why you are wanting to say no. Is there a safety issue? Is there something you are worried that won’t get done? Really reflect on your own motivations for saying no. Then figure out if there is a way to offer your child a conditional yes. A yes with a condition that meets your needs. When your children are young, like mine, the idea for the condition will likely have to come from you, but as child gets bigger so does their capacity for problem solving. They will very quickly begin to suggest conditions so that their requests are granted. I first learned this technique as a teacher and I can attest to the power that children have to problem solve when they are highly motivated to do so.
Here’s an example from my teaching days. It’s the end of gym class and the kids have a few minutes for free play with some of the equipment. Four children come over and ask to play with the scooters. (Little square boards with 4 wheels on the bottom). I want to say no because last time they played with them, too many of them ran into each other and got hurt. Because these kids are older and because I had been doing this for a while with them, I did not suggest the conditions for a yes if. I simply stated my concern about the safety issue and asked them if they had ideas on how to make the scooters safe. And sure enough, they rose to the occasion. They suggested moving the benchs to section off a portion of the gym for scooters and allowing only a couple of students on scooters are a time. Again the end result… they were happy because they got to play with the scooters. I was happy because everyone stayed safe.
So can you use this technique with your own kids?
I’ll leave you with a yes, if.
Yes you can use it, if you promise to let me know how it goes. 
Hello everyone,
This is fascinating theory and interesting reading. The article is written by Jesse Bering, research psychologist of Queen’s University Belfast.
Again, a disclaimer. The intent of republishing this article is not to make anyone feel guilty if they were unable to breastfeed. As moms we have too many opportunities to feel guilt and for the most part it has no healthy purpose other than to make us feel bad. No. Rather I post this because I believe it may explain in part why breastfeeding helps women deal more positively with the psychological changes that follow the birth of a baby. And why women who aren’t able to breastfeed should be allowed to grieve that loss.
Marie
Discussions of breastfeeding versus bottle-feeding usually focus on the baby: What’s best in terms of nutrition? Or an infant’s future mental health?
But we’re going to take a different route. Let’s talk about the mother, and more specifically, the changes in her body as it readies itself to nourish a hungry newborn. With her breasts enlarged and hormones flowing, what happens if no newborn appears to suckle? How will her body—and brain—react?
First, a little background. The obvious physical changes in the pregnant human body (including swelling breasts) occur in response to escalating levels of the hormones prolactin, lactogen, estrogen, progesterone, adrenocorticotropic hormone (ACTH) and growth hormone. Placental birth serves as a sort of trigger event signaling to the mother’s body that it’s time to begin releasing milk. The baby’s physical suckling behavior—that is to say, lips tugging on teats—stimulates the first ejections, but eventually milk flow can start up by simply thinking about the baby, smelling it, or hearing it cry. “Involution,” the physiological process by which women’s breasts revert back to those dormant objects that give so much pleasure to adult human males, coincides with slowly weaning the growing infant away from breast milk and onto regular foods.
So what happens when, for whatever reason, mothers do not breastfeed their healthy infants? According to a new theory being proposed by University of Albany evolutionary psychologist Gordon Gallup and his colleagues, the decision to bottle-feed is tantamount, in the mother’s psyche, to mourning the loss of the child. At least, that’s how a woman’s body seems to respond to the absence of a suckling infant at its breasts in the wake of a successful childbirth. In a soon-to-be-published article in Medical Hypotheses, the authors argue that bottle-feeding simulates the unsettling ancestral condition of an infant’s death:
Opting not to breastfeed precludes and/or brings all of the processes involved in lactation to a halt. For most of human evolution the absence or early cessation of breastfeeding would have been occasioned by miscarriage, loss, or death of a child. We contend, therefore, that at the level of her basic biology a mother’s decision to bottle feed unknowingly simulates child loss.
There is at least correlational evidence to support this evolutionary claim, too. For example, in a paper presented earlier this year at the annual meeting of the Northeastern Evolutionary Psychology Society, Gallup and his colleagues reported their findings that, among a sample of 50 mothers recruited from local pediatric clinics and who had given birth in the previous 4-6 months, those who bottle fed scored significantly higher on the Edinburgh Postnatal Depression Scale than breastfeeders did. This effect panned out even after controlling for the mother’s age, education, income and relationship status with her current partner.
Another telling finding to emerge was that the bottle-feeding mothers reported wanting to hold their babies significantly more than the breastfeeders did, which the authors believe:
…parallels findings among nonhuman primates where in response to the death of an infant, mothers of some species have been known to tenaciously hold, cling to, and carry their infants for prolonged periods after they die.
It’s an interesting (if morbid) idea that bottle-feeders are implicitly conceptualizing their babies as corpses, but there are plenty of alternative interpretations. For example, these women may simply want to make up for lost bonding time that would otherwise occur during breastfeeding. In any event, if Gallup’s theory about the “unnaturalness” of bottle-feeding simulating child loss holds up in future studies, it would have obvious, and important, clinical applications. This would also be an excellent example of how evolutionary psychological explanations of human behavior can improve the quality of human life. Of course the reasons for bottle-feeding are complex and many, and not all women have the luxury of a choice in this regard. But for those who do, the present logic may give new meaning to the expression “breast is best”—if not for infants, then at least for their mothers.
New study in BC confirms again that homebirth can be just as safe as hospital birth
I’m happy that there is yet another study showing that homebirth is a viable and safe option for many women.I am soooo looking forward to the day when this will be an easily available option for Regina women as well.
Below is a news clip about the new study, but for those of you who would like a more indepth view and understanding of this study you can download a PDF version of the complete study from the website of the Canadian Medical Association Journal.
http://www.cmaj.ca/cgi/content/full/181/6-7/377?maxtoshow=&HITS=10&hits=10&RESULTFORMAT=1&title=home+birth&andorexacttitle=and&andorexacttitleabs=and&andorexactfulltext=and&searchid=1&FIRSTINDEX=0&sortspec=date&resourcetype=HWCIT,HWELTR
A friend sent me this inspirational thought today and I thought I would share it with all of you. I know it helps me to remember that some contraction is often a necessary part of the growth process. I’ve been feeling that way about the redesign of birthbliss.ca and all the hacker problems I have recently experienced. I also often feel this way in my journey as a mom. I hope that this message speaks to you as it did to me and helps you through any challenges you are currently experiencing.
May we all be as brave as our babies as we enter the unknown.
Shanti,
Marie
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Sometimes our lives contract before they expand. We may be working hard on ourselves spiritually, doing good in the world, following our dreams, and wondering why we are still facing constrictions of all kinds�financial, emotional, physical. Perhaps we even feel as if we�ve lost our spirituality and are stuck in a dark room with no windows. We may be confused and discouraged by what appears to be a lack of progress. But sometimes this is the way things work. Like a caterpillar that confines itself to a tiny cocoon before it grows wings and flies, we are experiencing the darkness before the dawn.
When things feel tight, it�s easy to panic or want to act in some way to ease the feeling of constriction. We might also spin our wheels mentally, trying to understand why things are the way they are. However, there is nothing we need to do at this time other than to be patient and persevering. We can cling to the awareness that we are processing the shift from one stage to another, and the more we surrender to the experience, the more quickly we will move through the tightness into the opening on the other side. Just like a baby making its way down the birth canal, we may feel squeezed and pushed and very uncomfortable, but if we remember that we are on our way to being born into a new reality, we will find the strength to carry on.
Even as we endure the contractions, we can find peace within ourselves if we remember to trust the universe. We can look to the natural world for inspiration as we see that all beings surrender to the process of being born. In that surrender, and in the center of our own hearts, is a willingness to trust in the unknown as we make our way through the opening.
Hypnosis has long been studied for its usefulness in easing pain, also known as hypnoanalgesia. Modern studies on hypnosis date back to the late 1700`s and they involve both psychological and physiological mechanisms. The founder of hypnosis was Friederich Anton Mesmer and hypnosis was known as mesmerism. Since then, many studies have been performed on the efficacy of hypnosis on pain. Although there are many causes of pain, many
studies have shown hypnotherapy to be a natural and effective form of treating pain.
In the mid-1800`s, an English surgeon, James Braid renamed mesmerism to hypnosis <http://www.naturalnews.com/hypnosis.html after the Greek mythology god of sleep, Hypnos. Braid was the first to recognize hypnosis and its effects on psychological variables. This led to an increase inpopularity in using hypnosis during surgeries to help reduce pain.
In the late 1800`s two researchers, Bernheim and Liebeault performed many studies involving hypnosis and found that it was beneficial in curing sciatic nerve pain. In the past 100 years, the studies that have been
performed using hypnosis to treat pain have been overwhelmingly supportive. Studies have found hypnosis to be effective in treating pain associated with childbirth, angioplasty, leukemia, and headaches (Marcuse, 1993).
Lewis (1992) studied the method of hypnosis and if it plays a role in the effectiveness in treating pain. The researcher studied whether single induction hypnosis (with many sessions) or multiple induction hypnosis (with
one session) was more effective in helping to reduce pain. Results of the study showed that there was no difference. Whether using one induction over several sessions or several inductions in one session, the research found
that elimination of pain was achieved for a year or more in 70% of participants. This study shows that just one session of hypnosis can greatly improve ones quality of life by eliminating pain.
A meta-analysis was performed on 18 studies involving hypnosis to reduce pain (Montgomery, Duhamel, & Redd, 2000). Researchers found a moderate to large hypnoanalgesic effect on participants. This has major implications in
pain management http://www.naturalnews.com/pain_ management.html . When comparing the use of hypnosis versus non-hypnotic interventions to treat
pain, hypnosis was found to be highly significant.
These studies over the past several hundred years show that hypnosis is an effective form of pain management. Hypnosis has an impact on both psychological and physiological mechanisms. Pain causes both psychological
and physiological effects and hypnosis helps eliminate pain on both levels. Many North Americans suffer in pain from various illnesses and injuries. It is important that alternative and safe methods are explored to help people put
an end to their suffering.
Sources
Lewis, D.O. (1992). Hypnoanalgesia for chronic pain: The response to
multiple inductions at one session and to separate inductions. Journal of
the Royal Society of Medicine, 85(10), 620-624.
Marcuse, M. (1993). The use of hypnosis in pain management: A review of the
current state of knowledge. Retrieved from Psych Web:
http://www.psychwww.com/asc/hyp/painhypn.html .
Montgomer, G.H., Duhamel, K.N., & Redd, W.H. (2000). A meta-analysis of
hypnotically induced analgesia: How effective is hypnosis? Clinical and
Experimental Hypnosis, 48(2), 138-153.
About the author
Steve G. Jones, M.Ed. has been practicing hypnotherapy since the 1980s. He is the author of 22 books on Hypnotherapy. Steve is a member of the National Guild of Hypnotists, American Board of Hypnotherapy, president of the American Alliance of Hypnotists, on the board of directors of the Los Angeles chapter of the American Lung Association, and director of the Steve G. Jones Schoolof Clinical Hypnotherapy. Steve G. Jones, M.Ed. is a board certified Clinical Hypnotherapist. He has a bachelor’s degree in psychology from the University of Florida (1994), a
master’s degree in education from Armstrong Atlantic State University (2007), and is currently working on a doctorate in education, Ed.D., at Georgia Southern University. Learn more at: http://www.betterlivingwithhypnosis.com
Hi Everyone,
This story comes from a blog called Peaceful Parenting. I love it. Skin to skin touch is magical.
Marie
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Sometimes a preemie doesn’t need to be hooked up to 10 different machines to be given the chance to survive.
When Carolyn Isbister put her 20oz baby on her chest for a cuddle, she thought that it would be the only chance she would ever have to hold her.
Doctors had told the parents that baby Rachel only had only minutes to live because her heart was beating once every ten seconds and she was not breathing.
Isbister remembers:
I didn’t want her to die being cold. So I lifted her out of her blanket and put her against my skin to warm her up. Her feet were so cold.
It was the only cuddle I was going to have with her, so I wanted to remember the moment.” Then something remarkable happened. The warmth of her mother’s skin kick started Rachael’s heart into beating properly, which allowed her to take little breaths of her own.
We couldn’t believe it – and neither could the doctors. She let out a tiny cry.
The doctors came in and said there was still no hope – but I wasn’t letting go of her. We had her blessed by the hospital chaplain, and waited for her to slip away. But she still hung on.
And then amazingly the pink color began to return to her cheeks. She literally was turning from gray to pink before our eyes, and she began to warm up too.
The sad part is that when the baby was born, doctors took one look at her and said ‘no’.
They didn’t even try to help her with her breathing as they said it would just prolong her dying. Everyone just gave up on her,” her mom remembered.
At 24 weeks a womb infection had led to her premature labor and birth and Isbister (who also has two children Samuel, 10, and Kirsten, 
said, “We were terrified we were going to lose her. I had suffered three miscarriages before, so we didn’t think there was much hope.” When Rachael was born she was grey and lifeless.
Ian Laing, a consultant neonatologist at the hospital, said: “All the signs were that the little one was not going to make it and we took the decision to let mum have a cuddle as it was all we could do.
Two hours later the wee thing was crying. This is indeed a miracle baby and I have seen nothing like it in my 27 years of practice. I have not the slightest doubt that mother’s love saved her daughter.”
Rachael was moved onto a ventilator where she continued to make steady progress and was tube and syringe fed her mother’s pumped breastmilk.
Isbister said, “The doctors said that she had proved she was a fighter and that she now deserved some intensive care as there was some hope. She had done it all on her own – without any medical intervention or drugs. She had clung on to life – and it was all because of that cuddle. It had warmed up her body and regulated her heart and breathing enough for her to start fighting.
At 5 weeks she was taken off the ventilator and began breastfeeding on her own. At four months Rachel went home with her parents, weighing 8lbs – the same as any other healthy newborn. Because Rachel had suffered from a lack of oxygen doctors said there was a high risk of damage to her brain. But a scan showed no evidence of any problems and today Rachel is on par with her peers.
Rachel’s mom tells us, “She is doing so well. When we brought her home, the doctors told us that she was a remarkable little girl. And most of all, she just loves her cuddles. She will sleep for hours, just curled into my chest. It was that first cuddle which saved her life – and I’m just so glad I trusted my instinct and picked her up when I did. Otherwise she wouldn’t be here today.”
When a parent holds their baby on their chest, skin-to-skin, it is referred to as Kangaroo Mother Care.
The benefits for all babies of KMC are that they stabilize faster with skin-to-skin care than in an incubator (very few stabilize in an incubator well during the first six hours of life). KMC babies also have stable oxygen rates and breathing thanks to the steady regulation of Mother’s respiration. The heart rate is stable (mother’s heartbeat regulates baby’s heartbeat). The temperature is most stable on the mother – in skin-to-skin care mothers chest automatically warms to warm a cold baby, and mothers core temperature drops if her baby has a temperature.
Sleeping within an arm’s reach of baby (as long as a parent does not smoke) also regulates all of his physiological needs in the same way ~ they are kept steady thanks to Mom’s warm, even-paced body. We lose far fewer babies to prematurity, irregularity of breathing or heartbeat after birth, and SIDS all with the natural help of skin-to-skin holding, or Kangaroo Care.
Read More About skin-to-skin benefits for ALL babies (full term and premature) here: kangaroomothercare.com
Stress
A lecturer, when explaining stress management to an audience, raised a glass of water and asked, ‘How heavy is this glass of water?’
Answers called out ranged from 20g to 500g.
The lecturer replied, ‘The absolute weight doesn’t matter. It depends on how long you try to hold it. If I hold it for a minute, that’s not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I’ll have an ache in my right arm. If I hold it for a day, you’ll have to call an ambulance. In each case, it’s the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.’
He continued, ‘And that’s the way it is with stress management. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won’t be able to carry on. ‘
‘As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again.
When we’re refreshed, we can carry on with the burden.’
‘So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work down. Don’t carry it home. You can pick it up tomorrow. Whatever burdens you’re carrying now, let them down for a moment if you can.’
Put down anything that may be a burden to you right now. Don’t pick it up again until after you’ve rested a while.
Part of the Mom and Baby Yoga class each week, is infant massage. If you have ever been curious as to the reasons that I include this as an important part of the class. Here they are.
Benefits of Baby Massage
• Promotes healthy interaction between parent and infant.
• Proven to help infants become more active and alert.
• The stimulation from massage creates better neural connections.
• Loving touch triggers physiological changes that help infants grow by stimulation nerves in the brain that facilitate food absorption.
• Baby is healthier – massage lowers stress hormones levels resulting in an improved immune system.
• Gives babies an experience of love through touch.
• Helps babies to sleep better (deeper and longer) due to the release of tension in their bodies.
• Increases a sense of love, acceptance, respect and trust.
• Reduces discomfort from teething, congestion, gas, colic and emotional stress. It can help to disperse gas, ease muscle spasm, tone the digestive system and help it to work efficiently.
• Improves muscle tone and coordination. It also stimulates blood flow – when you massage someone you will feel the area you are working on become warmer.
• Helps babies maintain steady oxygen levels when subjected to stress.
• One of the earliest communication forms of communication between baby and parent.
• Babies become more aware of their physical body and encourages mid-line orientation
The Touch Research Institute is continually replicating studies, which prove that babies with all different sorts of problems heal faster and better when loving touch massage is applied.
Benefits for parents
• Parents become more aware of their baby and baby’s needs and brings out nurturing qualities in parents.
• Aids in the bonding process between baby and parent. Parents feel that they get to know their child better.
• The person giving the massage relaxes as the baby relaxes.
Ps. Older kids benefit from massage as well, but you may need to get creative. My older two will lay still for massage only if it is accompanied by a story. For toddlers you might even “draw” the story on their body. Julia loved it when Nemo got chased around by Bruce the Shark. When I did Nemo it was a light touch, and Bruce the Shark was a deeper massaging touch.
As a step toward their goal of educating women about their choices and options during the childbearing years, Birth Matters Virginia solicited short videos about evidence-based maternity and delivery care. With cesarean rates on the rise, it is more important than ever for women to be educated about their options.
They received nearly 40 informative and thoughtful videos on topics ranging from personal birth journeys, the role a doula plays, midwifery care, cesarean sections, birthing in the Amish culture, birth in Ireland, and more. Each video carried a message of the understanding that change needs to occur in our culture related to pregnancy and birth for the well-being of both mothers and babies.
Their panel of judges included women from varied backgrounds, all mothers, all interested in change, some working in the field of birth professionally and some not, as well as Rikki Lake and Abby Epstein from the Business of Being Born and internationally recognized and respected author and doctor, Sarah Buckley.
This video was the winner. Prevent Cesarean Surgery
Second place : The Nature of Natural Birth – This a hypnobirthing birth
Honourable Mention : Misconceptions
This is the website for Birth Matters Virginia
http://birthmattersva.org/index.html
Hi Folks,
The results of this study aired on ABC news recently. I wanted to include the actual Dutch study that the news report is based on, however I could only find a version written in Dutch so I got the computer to translate it. It didn’t do so great a job that’s why it’s a bit weird when you read it. But the ABC report is really interesting to watch. And being a prenatal yoga teacher, I love that they showed a prenatal yoga class in their report. I always enjoy when science backs up something that we have intuitively known for ages.
http://abcnews.go.com/video/playerIndex?id=8086728
Title: Memory set in fetus of 30 weeks
Publication Date: 15-07-2009
Source: Press Release
Author: Staff Communication Service
The results of the study appear tomorrow in the influential U.S. journal Child Development.
It is a further step is a development, with gynecologists twenty-five years ago found that a fetus is behaving like a man with all the elements of human behavior as breathing, sleeping, awake and sucking. Then we tried to answer the question of neurological research in the fetus is possible. By extension, the question of whether or absence of memory in a fetus.
Results
The results of the investigation Fetale Learning and Memory show that the memory of a fetus from ten to thirty minutes to four weeks to develop in fetuses of 34 weeks and 36 weeks.
The test consisted of a irritation of the bone with a vibration and noise (a vibro-acoustic stimulus).
This is the first time experienced unsafe (The memory plays an important role in interpreting signals as’ safe ‘or’ unsafe ‘. The type of the heating at night is safe, but when someone at night trying to front force is interpreted as unsafe and scared you awake). However, after several ‘recognize’ the fetus responds to stimulus and he no longer as “unsafe.” The next test “reminds” the fetus is that the incentive is safe, and it reacts much less often. The difference in number of incentives which the fetus is not responding is the ’size’ for the memory.
This test is in this study performed in fetuses of 30, 32, 34, 36 and 38 weeks.
Step forward
“It is another step forward in understanding the development of the fetus for birth”, explains Prof. Jan Nijhuis the importance of the investigation. “By better understanding all aspects of the development stages through which a fetus may perhaps in time using neurological examination to better determine at what point a baby is best able to ‘get’ when to be addressed. Moreover, we in the future potential shortcomings and defects in this development and thus better able to identify high-risk children.”
