I hadn’t eaten much that day from practice labour the day before and I wasn’t able to keep anything down after that so I tried to eat some fruit and thank heaven I did. [Marie’s note : many women find that fruit is a good labour food]  At 8pm the surges had been 3 minutes apart for a few hours and were getting to be really painful at this point so we went back in to see if there was any progress. The nurses said they were impressed that I was able to remember to breath during surges so that made me feel better considering I still had no progress but was having a hard time with the surges. I got a shot of morphine so I could relax for a bit at home. I was planning on not taking anything but these surges were nowhere near anything I’d felt before and couldn’t be touched or moved during them and was only in latent labour…

By 2 am the morphine had been worn out for quite some time and I couldn’t get any rest so we went back to the hospital. This time I had progressed to 4cm, 100% effacement, and my water was ready to break. Once I was placed in a room and was settled for an hour or so I requested an epidural. It was at that point when things got a little scary. My blood pressure started dropping to dangerously low levels then when that finally got a bit better baby was having a hard time with surges and her heart rate would drop after each one. The only way to prevent that from happening was to have me on my right side but then I would be completely frozen on my right and feel the surges happening on my left. It wasn’t too bad and I was able to sleep through a lot of it.

The doctors started talking about a c-section but I asked if we could just try and see if I’d progress. By 8am I had only progressed 5cm and they started talking about a c-section again but one doctor suggested that maybe we try some other things before ruling out a natural birth. When my doctor came at 10 am I was only 6cm and he was worried about the baby’s heartbeat still and was worried about her oxygen and the fact that I had really bad shakes.

The surgery was difficult, but if I focused I was able to relax and stop shaking. I was mostly upset just that I didn’t get to see her until about 10 minutes after she was born and wasn’t able to hold her until I’d been in recovery for an hour or so. All that matters really is that she’s perfectly healthy and I’m recovering really well.

Even though my labour didn’t go as planned and I wasn’t able to use everything I learned in hypnobirthing I still think it was all worth it. I would have had much worse anxiety and stress had I not taken the classes. My mom had 5 c-sections and was quite impressed at how I handled the news of an emergency c-section and how well I’m recovering.

Listening to the disc during surges definitely helped make them easier to handle the breathing techniques I learned made everything a much better experience than it could have been.

Thank you do much for everything you’ve taught me and my mother. I would most definitely say that my calm attitude towards the labour and everything that happened is because of hypnobirthing and I’m excited to try and use it again with my next:)

Lily is a very happy baby. She rarely cries and only when she needs our attention for something. She’s learning to feed and we’re both being very patient with each other in learning how to be a mom and baby. Thanks again:)

Also I’ve found that hypnobirthing is not only for pregnancy, labour, and birthing. I’ve definitely found that I still use it a lot. When I’m starting to get frustrated or feel a bit of depression coming on, I try to relax myself and kind of go inward and then all of the sudden I realize that a large amount of time has gone by and that I’m feeling better. I’m so glad I took your classes.

Lily Juanita Rae Earl

7lbs, 10oz. Born 11:01am December 24th. Perfectly healthy, happy baby girl.

written by Jazsmin Earl, January 2012

Marie’s note : I think it’s important to know that the skills one develops with hypnobirthing are helpful even in the event of a c-section.  Jazsmin’s and Lily’s story is a good example of that. 

Napoleon Hill book’s Think and Grow Rich has sold over 30 millions copies since it was first published in 1934 and it lead to the start of the whole movement in self development.

This is a video worth watching.  You will come away with a hand-on technique to set down what you want to create in your life and a simple step to get there.  Often people are so vague in what they want from life, or they self-limit themselves.   It only takes a moment to get clear about where you are headed… but it’s so worth it.

In this rare footage, let Napoleon Hill explain to you exactly why “whatever the mind can conceive, and believe, the mind can achieve.”

ps. I have to put a thank you in here to my Dad.  Napoleon Hill is one of my dad’s big heros, and I grew up hearing about him a lot.  Although at certain times I dismissed what my dad had to say, as I get older and wiser, I appreciate what he taught me more and more.  So thanks Dad for introducing me to this very wise man and for creating a spark in me for these types of ideas.  Ideas with which I currently made my living as a hypnotherapist.  I am deeply grateful.

Marie

Warrior posture with baby on knee

The class is for babies 6 weeks through to crawling.   Honestly the babies could start right away.  Moms generally need those first six weeks to recover physically from birth.  However, that is a rough estimate.  Some moms are up and ready to go at 3 weeks postpartum while for others it make take up to 2 months or more to be healed and ready for physical activity.  It’s always best to check with your doctor or midwife to make sure that you are ready to begin any type physical activity again.

What if my baby cries during the class?
Lots of mom are worried about this when they start mom and baby yoga.  And yes some crying is a bit inevitable – it is a class full of babies after all.  However that being said, we do A LOT of adaptation so that the babies stay happy.   Sometimes I joke that I only pretend to teach this class – that actually the babies are calling the shots, which in many ways they are.  So if the baby wants to sit, we let them sit.   If the baby wants to be picked up, then up baby comes and postures are done with baby in arms.  If all the babies want to move, then we do a lot of moving postures.  If a whole bunch of babies are feeding or nursing, then we do pelvic floor exercises.  As you can start to see, there are tons of adaptations in this class and that’s the way I like.  So that everyone enjoys it – including the babies.

What if my baby needs to eat or nurse during the class?
At the beginning of class, during the check-in and sharing portion, you will have lots of time to sit down and nurse or bottle-feed your baby.  As well at the end of class – during the relaxation, or what I like to call “cuddle time” there is another great opportunity to feed your baby.  However I know babies, and I know that they don’t always want to eat when it’s convenient for you.  So if they need to eat during the class – it’s totally ok.  I generally encourage moms to do kegels or pelvic floor exercises while nursing/feeeding so that you feel like you are still participating and exercising.

Abdominal and Arm Exercises with Baby

As an aside, it’s rare that everyone is doing the same thing at the same time at mom and baby yoga.  Usually someone has stopped to change a diaper, feed a baby, look for a soother, pick up a toy or do an adapted or different pose depending on the needs of baby.

What if I need to join after the class has already started?
Sometimes it happens that your baby turns 6 weeks old in the middle of a session.  It’s ok, you can still join.  All you need to do is contact me and we will figure out a prorated amount for the remaining classes in the session.   Yoga in this class is easy to pick up even if you are starting midway through.

What if I’m not sure if the class with be right for me and baby, is there a way to try it first before registering?
There sure is.  You can find a coupon for a free trial class on my website, www.birthbliss.ca, under the yoga section.  Print it off and contact me about coming in to try it.  I’ll let you know where there is space to drop in and try it out.

If you have any other questions, please let me know.

Cheers,

Marie

My “guess date” was August 23^rd and I was optimistically hoping to deliver the baby a week early (although Hazel had other plans!). My midwife told me that usually, first babies are born 8 days after the due date, which is exactly when Hazel came into the world.

I started feeling some mild contractions at 3:30 am and took a Gravol as advised by my midwife and went back to sleep. I tried to sleep in and take it easy all morning to conserve as much energy as possible. I told my husband, Mitch to go to work and I would call him if we were close. By about 3 pm, my girlfriend, Danika and her baby boy Ezra came over with treats and much needed support. The contractions were starting to feel pretty strong and slowly getting close together. Mitch got home from work and Danika encouraged me to walk so we all went up and down the back alley as I hunched over and held on for dear life every few minutes.

By now it was about 5 pm and we had called Brigette, our midwife to come over. We had planned on having a water home birth and had tried our hardest to prepare for everything. Mitch and Danika got the tub ready while I tried to relax and stay calm using the ball. I felt scared and anxious but it certainly helped to focus on my breathing and positive affirmations which I had playing in the background. Bridgette advised me to get in the tub and that she would be over soon so I took some Tylenol and hopped in the tub. My stomach was oddly queezy and I couldn’t even keep the Tylenol down. I was starting to feel pretty scared as the pain intensified but tried hard to focus on my breathing and relaxing.

By the time Bridgette arrived, it was about 7 pm and she had me get out of the tub and on the couch to check me. We were all pleasantly surprised that I was 8 cm dilated and I got back in the tub. Everyone around me was working hard helping the midwife, controlling the temperature of the water, getting everything ready; meanwhile I was completely in my own world. There was a fantastic thunder and lightning storm going on and we were all a little worried that the power would go out, however it provided an awesome setting!

Mitch was so excited and happy that it encouraged me to persevere through every contraction which were getting very intense and close together. With each surge, I let go more and more and surrendered to the process. Although the contractions were more painful than anything I have ever encountered, it wasn’t the typical kind of pain we are used to; it felt almost animalistic, like my body needed to do it.

Around 8:30, the second midwife, Teegan arrived and we were very close to pushing. Bridgette kept telling me to relax my shoulders and move how my body needs me to move. Bridgette broke my waters with what looked like a crochet hook and I began to feel a burning sensation. Immediately after, I was able to push and with one final surge, the baby was out! She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Hazel was so alert, just staring at her mama and daddy and taking it all in with wide and curious eyes. That moment was absolute euphoria…. between meeting my baby girl to knowing that there would be no more surges and I had done it! Although utterly exhausted, I felt empowered.

Shortly after that, we moved to the couch to deliver the afterbirth. Within a few hours of birthing Hazel, the room was all cleaned up and everyone had left. The three of us were snuggled in our bed by 1 am. It was the most amazing experience of my life. I cannot say enough good things about the midwifery program in Regina. Bridgette and Teegan were there for me every step of the way and then some. They took all of the necessary measures needed during labor and came to my home in the days that followed to check Hazel and I. I felt like I was in such good hands and we were able to truly nest in our own bedroom for the days that followed. And now Hazel is already 13 weeks old and a healthy, happy baby with a very, very happy mama!

written Sarah Taylor, Dec 2011

Here’s the situation : The toddler, we will call Sam, says he loves the new baby, but then tries to scratch his eyes out.  What to do?

My response?

Well… even though Sam says he loves the baby – which I’m sure he does, he is obviously experiencing some anger as his actions suggest.  So I would suggest asking him if he feels angry the next time that he tries to scratch baby.  Or perhaps the feeling is actually sadness?  Whatever it is, it is definitely a “bad” feeling ( as in it makes him feel bad, not that there is anything inheriently wrong with the way he is feeling.)    Get him to acknowledge what he is feeling by saying – “I’m mad” or ‘I’m feeling sad” and tell him it’s ok that he feels that way.  He’s allow to be upset.  This new baby makes things really different for him.  Tell him that.  Be empathic.

Then suggest other ways to express the feeling… stomp his feet, yell, stuff like that.   Tell him showing his mad feeling in that way is ok.   And then say that it’s not ok to hurt the baby.  He is not allowed to show his mad feeling by hurting the baby.

Explain that new baby just need their mommies a lot, because that’s what babies do…  and tell him that you will love him just a much as before.  He is just as important as the new baby.

And then make a big effort to reward his good behaviors with your time and attention.  Tell him that if he is nice to baby – kisses and gentle with baby – then he is rewarded with one-on-one time with you.  Call in reinforcements – hubby, family to watch baby so that this can happen.  And then just keep doing this and give it time.  He will come around.

Also – get other adults in his life to make a big fuss over him… notice him when they come over to see baby.  Get Grandma and Grandpa to spend extra time with him.  Get Dad as involved as possible with extra attention.  And give it time. 

Marie

ps. If you have another suggestions – please let me know.

But what if it feels like your uterus has other ideas… well there are a number of natural ways that you can encourage your uterus to relax and  calm down.

This post is meant to offer you some alternative therapies.  I hope these ideas will help keep your little one inside where he/she can grow best.

Rest and Relaxation – First off the best thing you can do is relax and take it easy.  Relaxation in cases of pre-term labour are associated with calming the uterus down and stopping or weakening the contractions (or surges as I like to call them).

Very likely your doctor or midwife will take you off work.  This does not mean that you are now free to work at home.  REST is what is required by your body to help grow your baby.  So if you have other small children – get help for childcare or keep them in their dayhome or daycare. At home, spend time RESTING rather than “getting stuff done”.  Your most important job right now is to grow your baby.  Make sure your family knows this, so they can support you.

Baths – Taking baths is also a really effective way to get your uterus to calm down when it starts to become active.  This is especially helpful if you notice an increase in the frequency or intensity of the surges.  Whenever this happens (often in the evenings) draw yourself a nice relaxing warm bath.  Often this will be enough to settle things down.  Remember to keep the water at body temperature (36 degrees Celsius)

Relaxation CD – A recording with a guided relaxation can be wonderful to help you become deeply relaxed.  If  you are already doing hypnobirthing, keep listening to the CD but increase the frequency – twice or three times each day rather than just once a day.  If you don’t have access to a CD – please email me or call (306) 502-5477 and I will be happy to get one to you.

Visualization Practice – Your mind and your body are intimately connected.  You can create physical change in the body by changing thoughts and feelings in your mind.  Often when women are diagnosed with pre-term labour they simply accept that their baby will come early.  When in fact – this is only a possibility.  It is also a possibility that you will carry your baby to term.   So why not focus on the positive outcome and put your mind’s energy in that direction.

Beautiful blue satin ribbons can be used to represent the internal muscles of the uterus which run in concentric horizontal circles around the cervix up toward the top of the uterus.  Typically in labour you visualize these muscles swirling up and out of the way.  In the case of pre-term labour – you visualize the opposite happening.  Keep the ribbons/muscles tight and secure holding baby in place.   Visualize your beautiful beautiful blue ribbons, instead of them being loose and soft, imagine instead that they are neatly and securely tied in bow, hammocking and protecting baby and keeping the cervix closed, until they are required to open.

If you are familiar to hypnobirthing, use the control valve – but change it so that the control valve controls the surges and the uterus.  Imagine a dial like the control knob on your stove, move the dial over from surges being high/medium or low – to off.   Some days  you might have to “check in” with your subconscious mind and make sure the surge control valve is still set to off.  If you experience a day with more surges (contractions), then check in – and if you find the valve has moved over to the on position – create a “hold button” – so that the surges stay off.  I have worked with many women who were able to hold off their labour using this technique.  The power of our own minds never ceases to amaze me!

Affirmations – Be attentive to your own self-talk.  Watch if you have unconsciously adopted beliefs such as “My baby is coming early”.   Change those to affirmations or statements of belief which help to keep baby in, rather than acerbate the problem.  Write affirmations pertinent to your situtation such as… “My uterus is calm and quiet.” “My baby is growing and maturing to be ready for life outside my womb.” “Staying calm and relaxed helps my body to keep my baby safely inside.” You’ll think of many others.  Repeat these affirmations to yourself continually.

Diet – What you eat affects your baby.  Calcium especially is supposed to help prevent preterm labor.  So eat food rich in Calcium. Nettle leaf herbal tea is a good source and safe for pregnancy.  The daily amount recommended is 1500mg of calcium and 750mg of magnesium daily for this purpose, as an aside magnesium sulfate is sometimes used in hospitals to stop labor.  Colonization of the vagina by certain bacteria can also increase the chances of pre-term labour, so re-establishing good bacterial flora is a good idea.  Natural yogurt is a good source as are probiotics.   Eating a diet rich in vitamin C seems to help keep the bag of water intact longer.  So eating an orange a day is a good routine to get into.  Re-examining your diet to make sure you are meeting all of your nutritional needs is a good idea.  Stay away from inflammation increasing foods such as refined sugars, polyunsaturated vegetable oils (such as safflower, soy, sunflower, and corn oil) and processed meats.  Eats lots and lots of fruits and veggies.  They reduce inflammation which has been link to preterm labour.  Increase your consumption of omegas from safe fish.  No tuna ladies; it’s got too much mercury.   Remember to drink plenty of water–eight 8oz glasses a day. Be sure to take your prenatal vitamins.

A Glass of Wine – I know this seems crazy since you have hopefully been abstaining from alcohol during your pregnancy.  However these days many doctors and midwives advocate the use of alcohol to forestall labor. Studies have shown that a glass of wine can relax the muscles enough to lower activity in the uterus. This small amount of alcohol late in the pregnancy will not harm your baby. Stay off your feet and relax as much as possible afterward.  And as always, it’s always best to check with your care provider first.

Homeopathic Remedies – There are a number of homeopathic remedies which are said to help in this situation.  Most traditionally trained doctors won’t know what to make of these remedies and will often dismiss them offhand.  That however doesn’t mean they aren’t effective.  In fact I have know many women to took them remedies in conjunction with the above techniques and held off labour until term.   They are safe for pregnancy – but it is a good idea to take them in the dosages recommended by someone trained in homeopathic medicine.  Ask around in your area for a good naturopathic or homeopathic doctor.  If you live in my area (Regina, Saskatchewan) contact me directly I will point you in the right direction.   Some remedies to ask about are Black Haw tincture, Valerian root, a herb that promotes healthy sleep, Wild Yam capsules (which also discourage contractions) and  Crampbark. Flaxseed Oil is not difficult to come across and is believed to be helpful, too.  As mentioned above – PLEASE PLEASE take these remedies under the supervision of a care provider.

Polar Bear Position – Spend time (a lot of time) in the polar bear position – see picture to the right. This will take pressure off your cervix. I personally know a woman who had early surges and cervical change and her cervix actually closed again due to the polar bear position.  (There is a picture of this position in the Hypnobirthing textbook near the back about page 260 at the end of the section on birth positions.)  It’s a position that moves baby closer to your lungs and away from the cervix.  Spend some time (15 minutes x 4 times a day)  in this position every day.

Avoiding Oxytocin and Prostaglandin – These are two of the major hormones responsible for labour.  Your midwife or doctor may have already recommended that you limit your release of these hormones.  You can do this by using a condom during sex, since semen contains prostaglandins, the chemicals which soften the cervix and lead to contractions.  Also avoid breast or nipple stimulation and having an orgasm, all of which release oxytocin – the hormone which initiates contractions.

Finally I want to state that pre-term labour is a serious issue.  Please make sure that you are getting the medical help and support that you need.   My deep hope is that care providers will begin to use natural methods to stop pre-labour in conjunction with their typical treatment protocals.  Remember the more ways that you come at this, the more likely you are to change your health for the better.

If you begin to suddenly experiencing strong pre-term labour, do not try to self-treat.  The March of Dimes urges:

Call your health care provider or go to the hospital right away if you think you are having preterm labor. The signs of preterm labor include:

• Contractions (your abdomen tightens like a fist) every 10 minutes or more often
• Change in vaginal discharge (leaking fluid or bleeding from your vagina)
• Pelvic pressure—the feeling that your baby is pushing down
• Low, dull backache
• Cramps that feel like your period
• Abdominal cramps with or without diarrhea

(Source: Preterm Labor and Birth: A Serious Pregnancy Complication)

Once you are getting medical care, add in the above-listed natural ways which are appropriate for you.

And may your birthing day be blessed!

Marie

ps. If you have any stories or tips to share please do so by responding to this post.

Suddenly I felt like I had to go to the bathroom and started pushing. After a bit I felt something and reached down and felt my water bag bulging out. I called Sam in a panic and he ran up and called the MW and 911. I didn’t want to move but Sam helped me to they bed and Teegan and the paramedices arrived within 5 minutes. They weren’t sure if there was time to get to the hospital so decided I could stay home (I was very happy, there was no way I felt like going anywhere!) Teegan broke my water and I started to breathe/push whenever I felt the urge. I was on my side but this was very uncomfortable so Teegan suggested I go on my knees and lean over an exercise ball. This was much more comfortable, but after a little while we lost the babies heartbeat so Teegan had me lay on my side and push as much as I could when I had a surge. It took a little while as my surges were still only 5-7 min apart. After about an hour I pushed her head out and then I heard a paramedic say the babies shoulder was hung up. Teegan quickly had me flip on my back- I couldn’t figure out why as I know that is the most unnatural and uncomfortable position. I’d read of the McRoberts manouver but didn’t even remember it at the time. Teegan pushed my legs back and a paramedic pushed on my pubic bone and Arabella popped right out.

I didn’t even know what was going on, next thing I knew Teegan was saying ‘take your baby’ and I held her and laid there in shock. I thought I’d be crying my eyes out but I was so surprised I just stared at her. Arabella cried a little but calmed down quickly and was on my chest for hours. She is a big girl- 9 lb and 20.5 inches. The placenta came with no difficulty and I have had very little bleeding. I drank an infusion of raspberry leaf tea every day for weeks before so I really think that helped. Three very small tears- not bad considering Arabella’s size, first time mom and how I had to push fast at the end. I was terrified of tearing but it wasn’t that bad and hardly painful afterwards.

The birth didn’t go quite as planned- I imagined a very private, peaceful birth in a tub in our living room, with dim lights and Sam massaging me and a midwife sitting calmly by. Instead our room was brightly lit with three male (!) paramedics looking on. But I’m really happy I was able to have a drug-free, home birth after all!

Hypnobirthing was very helpful to me even during pregnancy, as it really helped me relax and feel positive about the birth, even when my friends were telling me how great their epidurals were and most people aren’t able to have the natural birth they planned etc. I was actually looking forward to Arabella’s birth. It’s sad how so many woman are terrified of giving birth. I did find it more painful than expected but when things started going so quickly I panicked a bit. I can’t wait to have our next baby, hopefully we will have time to have a water birth too!

Written by Tanya, September 2011

This sweet picture was taken 5 minutes after Arabella was born.  Awesome.

Marie

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I’ve come to a place in my life where I can appreciate that the best way to connect to those I love is to first connect to myself. I have a stronger, deeper relationship with my husband, family and friends now that I have started diving deeper into my relationship with me.  I understand now more than ever that this is a process and a practice. It is not a sprint to see how fast I can find peace; it can go away as fast it comes sometimes. One thing I do know is that the more I practice the easier it is to find that peace again.

My journey started with a seeking to understand an unhappiness I was carrying. This feeling didn’t make sense; I had a loving husband, supportive friends and family, a house a dog and a cat, with plans for children; everything I could want. But there was something missing, I just didn’t know what it was.  When I got to the place where children were soon to be a reality, I knew I had to figure out this unhappiness in myself. I knew if I didn’t I would only continue making the people I loved most miserable along with me.

I started searching for answers, through reading (and Oprah watching) but I never really shared my feeling with anyone else about how lost I was feeling. Then I met a woman who inspired me to take a chance on something I would have never thought of doing before. She explained that she had taken this awesome 5 day seminar called CHOICES, it’s a place that helps you to focus on self-awareness and gives you the tools to help you to create more of the things you want in life and less of what you don’t. Like more happiness and peace and confidence and less frustration, conflict and unhappiness. I was intrigued and felt that this is exactly what I was looking for.  I explained to my very supportive husband that I thought I needed this that in fact we both needed me to do this and he agreed, not fully understanding how right I was.  At Choices I found out what it was that was missing from my life….it was me. I realized I had been in the passenger’s seat of my own life, watching it go by me without taking the wheel and taking control. It was at Choices that I saw my first glimpse of what it was like to feel love for myself, that SAME love that flows so EASILY from me to others.  This kind of love comes from a place of understanding. I was given insight and tools to understand the reasons behind the things I was doing that kept me unhappy. It helped me to accept myself just the way I am, and for the first time I could just let myself BE, knowing that I am not perfect and that’s OK.

Choices introduced me to the concept of TAPES; these are unconscious negative thoughts that influence the picture of how we see ourselves. These “Tapes” affect the actions and decisions we make every day. They stop us from doing the things that would create peace and happiness in our lives. Tapes are our fears and insecurities that lead to us creating what we fear. Through my experiences at Choices I was able to discover some of my loudest tapes. I found out that I felt guilty for having such an easy life compared to everyone else. I felt I didn’t deserve all the good things in my life because I didn’t have to suffer or struggle to have it. I felt my story was insignificant, that I didn’t make a difference. I judged myself for not being happy because I had it so EASY. This was a never ending, and damaging thought pattern.  I discovered insecurities about my intelligence or lack there-of. I come from a family of intelligent people who have meaningful conversations about politics, religion and world issues but I felt I was incapable of such conversation. I loved to listen to them but never thought I had anything to bring to the conversation. I wasn’t someone who paid much attention to world issues. The way I had unconsciously interpreted my life experiences created some very loud Tapes that probably sounded like this: “I’m insignificant” “I’m not smart enough” “I have nothing to bring to a conversation” “I’m not important” ”I don’t make a difference” “I’m a bad person because I don’t appreciate the good thing I have” “I don’t deserve love” “I will only make the people I love miserable” “If I can’t do it or say it perfectly I won’t try at all”

Before Choices I didn’t know that I had these thoughts so I never took a moment to question them. You don’t know what you don’t know. I walked through my life feeling like I had nothing good to bring to the world. My actions were in turn speaking the truth of my unconscious.  Choices calls these actions “Self-defeating Games” because when you play these games you set yourself up for failure. Anything you do that does not get you closer to finding peace in your life is a self-defeating game. My top 10 games were; judging myself, judging others, having unreasonable expectations on myself, feeling unworthy, blaming others, having to be right, giving up or not trying at all,  playing a victim, acting angry and starting a fight; I was really good at starting a fight. Everyone has their own set of self-defeating games and it’s possible we have played them all at different times in our lives. Other self-defeating games include over-working, over committing, addictions, obsessive behaviors, gossip, focusing on the bad, black and white thinking, being a problem, self-loathing and many others.

I have found it very interesting and helpful to learn our subconscious is like a computer full of programs. Some programs are there for body functions like breathing, pumping blood, hormones and digestion, which have been working since before we were born and other programs are down loaded as we grow up. From birth until the age of 6 our subconscious is in download mode; it’s downloading every bit of information about how the world works and what expectations are on us; in order for us to know how to survive and thrive in this world. We use our subconscious mind 95% of the time and it is much more powerful than the conscious mind. Our conscious mind is where new thoughts, ideas and creativity come from, it’s what we use when we learn something new before it gets download. The problem is most of the time our conscious mind is used up in thinking about the future or the past, leaving our subconscious to run the show. This is being on autopilot and is the opposite of being present. We can only be present when our conscious mind is paying attention to the now. If we are not present, than our subconscious is run the show and we do things automatically without thinking. We don’t question why we are doing them; we just do them because that’s what our program has learned to do. Because of this process just positive thinking doesn’t really get you closer to finding peace and happiness. To help explain that better, say I have a new conscious thought like “I deserve to be happy” but I’m not even aware that my subconscious has the tape “I don’t deserve good things.” That new conscious happy thought doesn’t have a fighting chance against the much stronger unconscious negative thought. Because the new thought only appears when we are present and when we are on autopilot which is 95% of the time our subconscious plays the tape” I don’t deserve good things.”  This is why life gets filled with things that are more in line with our subconscious tapes

Choices had opened my mind to a new level of understanding me, which lead to more patience with myself and paved the way to letting go of past hurts that I was holding on to so tightly. Putting a light on those tapes helped me to realize what was holding me back from happiness. The only way to bring in more peace is to be able to record new tapes by becoming aware of the thoughts and fears that hold you back; understanding that those thoughts are not true; and discovering a better tape like I am a deserving person, I am a lovable person. Doing this takes the power away from the negative and gives you back the power to bring happiness into your life. It’s more than just saying “I am a loveable person” it’s actually feeling that inside that helps you to press record on that “tape player” and start seeing yourself in a new more loving light. Choices helped me to “put a different pair of glasses on” and see myself and my life in a new way and I was incredibly happy for a while.

This really was just the beginning of my journey to peace.  A few years after Choices, I became a mother and the stress of my husband’s job started taking a toll on his happiness. I stopped reading and spending time thinking about me and was enveloped in my role as a mother and doing my best to support my husband through his challenges. Negative thoughts started to creep in again in the form of expectations.  I wanted to be a perfect mother, wife, and enlightened human. I had to eat right, make healthy meals for my family, have a perfectly clean house, I could never get angry with my child or overreact; I had to help my husband through this difficult time and stay positive. Obviously I could not keep up with my expectations and I became overwhelmed. When I get overwhelmed I shut down and shut off and I’m on autopilot again. I numb myself in front of the TV, eat salty fattening foods that strip me of energy and I don’t care, I don’t want energy, if I had energy I might want to take on all those expectations again and that is just too overwhelming to think about. So I was pushing my fears and feelings of inadequacy down with TV and food and that was pushing away happiness at the same time.  I started to withdraw from the things that were good for me like my talking with my husband, family and friends. I stopped exercising and started eating worse. I was unhappy again and that meant I was a failure. I was punishing myself for not being the perfect person I was supposed to be. I became unconscious and believed all my negative thoughts, and again I was alone dealing with this shameful unhappiness. Thankfully with the help of Choices I gained a certain level of self-awareness. I knew I was playing more “Self-defeating Games” like my addiction to food and the TV, giving up, shutting down, and feeling like a victim of all my expectations.  I picked up a few self-awareness and spiritually enlightening books, and started to apply some helpful tools like meditation and breathing, and becoming aware of my thoughts again.

Slowly with practice and purpose I started to incorporate meditation into my day, but really it was more like paying attention to my breath in order to stop that automatic thinking. I would take a few deep purposeful breaths and only concentrate on how my lungs felt when I breathed in and how it felt to breathe out. In doing so my mind stopped thinking and I became present.  Being present is not a thought or a concept for my mind to wrap around; it is a feeling. The same feeling I get when I look up into the stars on a dark night or when I look at my baby and I have no words or thoughts, I am just in wonder. I can never forget that feeling but that doesn’t mean it’s always with me. Giving myself this time for breathing and being present helped me remember “Nothing in life is good or bad but it’s our thoughts that make it so.” I have a choice here, I can keep doing what I’m doing or figure out what I was doing to get me back here and take control of my life again.  I discovered that some of my old tapes were back but they had changed ever so slightly.  I dove deeper into self-discovery again, and I realized that I could not receive from the world what I was not giving. Any understanding or empathy from someone outside of me couldn’t make a difference if I did not first give it to myself.

It always has to start with ourselves. If we are not willing to go into that dark scary place of our negative beliefs about ourselves and life; we will never be free from them. If we can be still and listen, without judgment, to all of the things that cause us stress or worry, it can be very empowering. Imagine that it is not you but a friend who is telling you the things in her life that cause her stress, how would you treat her? Would you point out how stupid she is for thinking that? Would you tell her “just think positive, you’re overreacting?” And if you did those things would she feel understood and loved and safe?  To really make a difference in that friends life just let them be exactly who they are in that moment.  Remember that “this too shall pass” right now they are in a difficult situation, they need to be heard so that they can see the situation more clearly and realize that it is not going to kill them, they will survive. Everything they are feeling and thinking is a normal part of processing a difficult situation. This helps them to trust you and know this is a safe place. If you can do this for yourself it opens up a whole new possibility and gives you the freedom to go through a dark place in order to come out on the other side lighter and free. That is the best way to love. We hold on so tightly to our negative painful thoughts, pushing them deep down inside because we are afraid to see them or feel them or afraid that if we go to that place we may never find a way out. Not realizing that our heart and mind is FULL of those negative painful things anyway and we are not free to receive anything good or peaceful that comes our way. When you let go of the negative you can hold on to the happiness that is all around you but couldn’t see before. You realize that everything you ever needed was within you all along.

We have this incredibly rare and precious ability as humans to be able to see someone else’s struggle, feel empathy for their plight and appreciate the life we have. No other animal on this planet can do this. It is an incredible tool. But sometimes we misuse or misinterpret what this empathy is for….we feel bad that someone else is struggling and we feel guilty that we did not struggle in the same way. This can lead to many self-defeating games. Guilt is a major self-defeating game, when we feel guilty we aren’t feeling grateful. Feeling grateful is the point of empathy. To appreciate that someone else had gone through something difficult and made it through, having learned a lesson and we are capable of learning that same lesson without having lived through that pain. It helps us get through our own pain, to know we are not alone and appreciate what we have. This is why it can be so empowering when you hear someone else’s story.

Appreciation or gratitude is a wonderful tool to help bring you out of a bad place. But it’s hard to see what we are grateful for when we are blinded by our negative thoughts. Our negative thoughts will usually outweigh our desire to feel grateful or good because that’s how we have been programmed. It takes time and practice to stay present so we can be aware when we are slipping into our negative thought patterns.

So now when I feel myself become upset, or overwhelmed. This is my cue to tap back into that feeling of being present. If I can just I slow down and pay attention to my breath and my body I become present. When I am present I am aware of my negative thoughts; that awareness creates disconnect from the thoughts; I no longer feel like my thoughts are the only possibility. I know there so much more and there seems to be space around my thoughts, it is in that space that happiness can come rushing in.  I can finally see my life from a different perspective, I am able to take my power back from the fear and guilt and desperate feeling of being overwhelmed. I can see what I have right in front of me, the love of my Husband and son, my friends and family. I start feeling love for myself again. It’s like breaking free from the chains of my thoughts, finally being able to see them for what they are…just thoughts, not the Truth. The Truth is something you can feel and may not be able to describe.  But if you want to know what it is to be grateful for what you have; imagine your life without it.  I’ve seen an e-mail that sums it up perfectly. If you want to know the value of a mother; ask someone who just lost one,  the value of a healthy child; ask a parent with a sick child in the hospital, the value of your legs; ask someone who just lost theirs in a car accident….the list goes on. We are capable of learning those lessons by listening to others stories, their stories can help to remind us of what we have and feel our Truth again and find peace with what we have right now.

This is my story, my Truth, it has been therapeutic to write it, read it and share it. I hope it touches your life or opens your eyes to the possibility of more. For me it has been a wonderful tool to continue to learn about myself and others. I firmly believe that love is made up of understanding and so in order to love myself I had to take the time to understand myself.  With a new understanding of myself I know I am better able to love everyone else in my life, and others that I have never even met.  Thank you for letting me share my story with you.

by Alanna Bergquist

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Do you have an inner journey you would like to share?  Please let me know.

And finally, here is the website for the choices program that Alanna talks about.  There are many roads to inner development and I wholehearted encourage you to find the one that speaks to you.

www.choicesseminars.com

Shanti peace,

Marie

Here are a couple of quick things you can do:

1.      When giving children an allowance, give them the money in denominations that encourage saving.  If the amount is $5, give them 5 loonies and stipulate that at least $2 be set aside in savings.

2.     Have children set a goal for their money: Nearly every toy or other item children ask their parents to buy them can become the object of a goal-setting session. Goal-setting helps children learn to become responsible for themselves

3.     Involve children in planning and saving for family vacations

4.     Allow children to make spending decisions: Whether good or poor, they will learn from their spending choices.  When a poor decision is made children can experience the consequences and you can talk to them about spending pros and cons,  doing research before making major purchases, waiting for the right time to buy, etc.  Better they make a poor decision now than when they have their first credit card!

5.     Establish a regular schedule for family discussions about finances.  Too often we feel uncomfortable openly discussing money and that means many children have very little information about how family finances work.

For more information about teaching kids about money, you can go to upcoming free workshop:

Raising Money-Smart Kids

Connaught Library, 3435 13^th Avenue, Regina, Sk

Wednesday, October 5   6:30-7:15 pm

Are you a parent or grandparent wondering how to teach your kids about the value of money at an early age?  Learn all about how to raise money-smart kids including savings and allowances, creating money habits, money safety, today’s banking options and more. A children’s storytime for ages 4-8 years will be held upstairs during the program to allow everyone with little ones to attend! Pre-register by calling 777-6078.

Do you have tips to share?  I would love to hear them.

My guess date was April 5^th, but I had convinced myself I’d be early, about a week. I had this notion that 2^nd pregnancies usually come earlier. I was staying with my sister during this last stretch, wanting to deliver in Saskatoon, a few hours away from my home in rural Saskatchewan. Even though I expected a natural, uncomplicated birth (like my first), I wanted to have access to all the expertise and resources that a tertiary care hospital has to offer. This was my 2^nd baby and my 2^nd Hypnobirth. I joined Marie for a “refresher” earlier in my pregnancy and was committed to utilizing all the Hypnobirthing techniques.  (Reflecting back on my first pregnancy, I always felt I could have used more of the techniques and for the whole birth. I never had a chance to use the CDs as I was in the shower and hadn’t anticipated how difficult it would be to operate a CD player. It was a long and hard labour that lasted about 14 hours, but I was able to do it without any drugs and my baby was born healthy.)

Lara Faith was born at 1:39pm on April 17^th, which was 12 days later than expected. Leading up to that day, I had seen my midwife on my due date and was just 1 cm dilated and 50% effaced. I was very disappointed. So the waiting game began and I didn’t do as well as with my first baby (who was just 4 days later than expected). I called my husband who was back home on two occasions thinking I was in actual labour – both times I experienced menstrual-like cramping and tightening throughout the night for 5-6 hours. At one week past my guess date I met with my midwife and was found to be just 2cms, which prompted the “what do we do if she doesn’t come on her own” discussion. Midwives promote natural labour, but neither of mine wanted me to go more than 10-12 days over. With my first baby being 9 pounds 4 ounces I was a little afraid of waiting too long, thinking the baby would be very large. They offered me some tincture from Germany, sweeping of the membranes (which she tried, but after 30 seconds I told her to stop as I didn’t like the uncomfortable sensation), and acupuncture; the other two options I decided against. I REALLY wanted to go in labour naturally without any intervention so I stuck with raspberry leaf tea, evening primrose oil, and walking. On April 15^th, 10 days past my date, I was checked once again and found to be 3cms dilated and 75% effaced. Progress! The midwife actually told me that she was able to quite easily stretch my cervix to 6cms, which meant that once the head hit the cervix I would go fast. At this point, Lara’s head was engaged but still at minus 2. For the last 3-4 days of my pregnancy I honestly felt like the baby was about to just fall out of me! I had so many sensations and felt so full, but yet had very few “practice contractions” unlike my first pregnancy where I had several every hour.

The night before Lara was born I spoke with my midwife. We agreed that since it would be 12 days over my date that we would need to induce. I didn’t want a Pitocin drip, which could put the baby into fetal distress and lead to a C-section if we had to remove the drip if the baby wasn’t tolerating it well. My midwife suggested breaking my waters since I was 3cms and my cervix was ready. We planned to meet at 10am the next morning at her clinic. That night I ate at a buffet-style supper and felt yucky and was certain I had gotten food poisoning. All night and the next morning I felt like I was going to have diahhrea, which concerned me as who wants that while you are in labour. At my appointment I was extremely happy to hear that I was 5-6cms dilated and 80% effaced; interestingly 2^nd time moms don’t even need to be fully effaced to deliver (I learned this from my midwife). I guess those nights of mild cramping did the trick and gave me a really good head start on dilation! Debbie told me to grab something to eat, then phone her as soon as I went into “active labour”, since I wasn’t actually having contractions. I left her clinic at St. Paul’s hospital and stopped at the Tim Horton’s for some soup and coffee (energy!). 20 minutes after leaving Debbie (my midwife), I told my husband I wanted to phone her and tell her I was going to RUH. I really didn’t want to be walking through the hospital in full labour.

I stopped at a relative’s house on the way and filled up 2 hot water bottles with the hottest water possible – they were INCREDIBLY comforting through my labour, I wish I would have done the same with my first. This way I didn’t need to sit in the shower and could put one on my lower tummy and one on my back. (During my last labour I had intense back labour and had heard another mom say she used an electric heating pad.) My contractions were about 5 minutes apart as we reached the hospital at 12 noon, but the intensity was fast-increasing (although some were relatively light and were more powerful). I had my CD on the whole way and breathed as deeply as I could (20 in and 20 out). I found that if I started my breath at the very first sign of a contraction that the breath helped soften the contraction even more than if I started it just after the contraction began. I went straight to my room and lay down on the bed, waiting for my midwife, and listening to my CDs with my 2 water bottles.

I fully utilized my Hypnobirthing techniques and went into a zone, not talking to anyone until about 1:15pm when the surges suddenly got much more intense. My husband helped me into the shower as I started to have back labour (which I was dreading). I was in the shower for 3-4 contractions when I suddenly felt I could not handle this anymore. At the same time I remembered Marie saying that this feeling of being overwhelmed was often a sign of transition and was a touched relieved, but skeptical. No one had checked me since we reached the hospital and I was praying I was close.

All of a sudden I had one huge contraction and my water broke.  During this contraction I also groaned a little … if you have ever had a baby, you know it’s that earthy, animal type moan that tells you the baby is close! (Remembering back my midwife called to me in a sweet voice from the adjacent room “Keep that baby in there”.) As I recovered, about one minute later, I felt like I definitely had to use the toilet. I was sure it was the food poisoning (that I actually never had). I sat down on the toilet and had one more big surge and the baby’s head came out! I must admit that I freaked a little, not expecting that I was this close to meeting my baby.  I stood up and grabbed my husband’s hand and said “I’m going to deliver this baby right now, right here on this floor!“ (on the floor of the hospital bathroom/shower room). Since the baby’s head was literally coming out, my husband lifted me up in the most awkward position (we still laugh about this) and carried me to the bed. The next 10 minutes were intense and I can honestly say that I lost all focus and utilized none of the Hypnobirthing techniques – I was too shocked and she came so fast that the pain associated with pushing felt more intense than with my first. Still I breathed the baby out, only “pushing” a few times. I felt the legendary “ring of fire”, which I hadn’t with my first. Then at 1:49pm, less than two hours after we reached the hospital parking lot, Lara Faith was born! She was a big baby like my first at 22 inches and 10 pounds.

My first was very quiet when he came out, but Lara yelled and cried lots. Her temperament is very content and soft since though, so maybe she was just as surprised as her mom at how quickly she arrived! During my last labour I had a postpartum haemorrhage (I felt partly due to the OBGYN tugging on my cord to deliver the placenta), but this time my midwife was extra careful and we did a slow delivery of the placenta and I had very little bleeding. I was happy to be her first Hypnobirth and afterwards she told me “…. that Hypnobirthing is some good stuff!”  to which I agreed. 

Written by B. W. in Saskatchewan,  Aug 2011